A secret is something you tell one person at a time.

I don't know where that's from, but I didn't make it up. Anyway, I don't have a whole lot to say lately, but I do have a secret to share with you.

I've heard it a few times every year for, like, 20 years or so. I may have loved it this whole time and not really known it. But now, as of like 3 days ago, I know.

I love Wham!'s "Last Christmas."

By the way, I am not wearing my American Apparel leotard plus knowing about the latest band before you while updating my Tumblr. In other words, this is true love, people. Not that hipster just-for-show ironic love.



Wham - Last Christmas
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Well, there it is.

Speaking of butter...

I've always liked those Tibetan Buddhists.

1/ Their favorite color is my favorite color:  Orange! 

2/ Their throats do this amazing craziness:




You probably already knew those reasons the Buddhists are cool. Here's the best one, though--

3/ They drink TEA MADE OUT OF BUTTER!

Butter tea, people. Every day. All day long. Did you know about this?!

I kind of want to try it, but the question is do I have the cajones? On one hand, if I do try it, I can be all like, "Hey people, I have real butter cajones! (And the clogged arteries to show for it!)" On the other hand, apparently I could also get hooked. According to this article, "Many non-natives find the taste of this tea a bit rank, but supposedly, once hooked, to go without it causes backaches." (So, it's like drugs...?)

The Best Butter In The World*

So, guess who likes butter?

This guy. 

That means that when I make these--

I have to be extra vigilant of a certain additional unwanted helper using his paw as a beater.


Also, when I make these--

I use this: 

It is the Best Butter In The World. 

We first started using this butter about four years ago, when Mr. K&G picked it up from the local co-op in MA. (You can also find it at Whole Foods, or other similar fancy food places that you can only afford to shop at on pay day or special occasions.) While prepping to make The Joy of Cooking's Rich Rolled Sugar Cookies, my husband unwraps a stick of butter and says, "DUDE. You. Have. To. Smell. This."

What would you say in this situation? Something like "Umm, No thanks--I've smelled butter before?" Well that's what I said. Multiple times. But he kept insisting in a way that I have never, ever heard of someone insisting someone else smell butter before.

So I gave in and smelled the butter.

And that was when I realized I had never, ever smelled butter before. Nearly 30 years with a nose, and I had never smelled butter. I knew then and there that every butter experience I'd previously had had been in black and white. A fake. A fugazi. A matrix projection. A slippery, cream-colored shadow of false truth sliding down Plato's cave wall.

And then came Kate, the little Maine farm girl churner, angel of silky, delicious saturated fat, and bringer of The Best Butter Ever into my life.

Get Kate's butter. Smell it. Bake with it. Eat it. And then be that crazy person at the party who's preaching the gospel of the Best Butter In The World.



*Technically, probably only America. I'm pretty sure the Europeans have the best butter in the actual whole world.

It's the most punderful time of the year

Huge morning!  I drove my husband to school, made a cup of coffee, entered a Paula Deen sweepstakes to win cookies and an iPad, and whipped up some puns. It's amazing what one can accomplish when there's no class to teach. (What will happen next?!)

In response to the #ScienceCarols list on Twitter, here're my contributions. Are you sitting down? Are you ready to be more be-dazzled than an acid washed jean jacket at the Gordo, Alabama Mule Day Chicken Fest? Excellent! Because...

"Ions Dreaming of a White Christmas" 

"Alkaline Is Here" 

"Silent Nitrogen"

"Little Saint Nickel"

"O Tantalum"

"All I Want for Christmas Is Joules"

"Good King Celsius" 

"Proton the Housetop" 

"Jolly Old Saint Osmosis"

"I'll Be Ohm for Christmas"

Does anyone want to record a "Christmas for Science-y Geek Types" album with me? I can play the triangle AND that wooden fish instrument from 4th grade music class.



Bonus: The Red Sox have just snatched up Carl Crawford from Tampa Bay... who will heretofore be known and loved as Carl Crawdad.

Guess who's coming...

Good news--I really think Krampus is working! I feel at least 60% more Christmassy now than before.

And this is absolutely hilarious: 

Merry Krampus, everybody!

Workin on it

It seems to me that a lot of people have this magical relationship with Christmas. These are the people who get giddy when they hear "Santa Clause is Coming to Town" playing at the mall on Halloween, or who put up Christmas decorations before Thanksgiving. (I break out in hives at exposure to anything Christmas-related before Thanksgiving's over.)  These are the people who cannot wait to bake and ice three dozen sugar cookies for the office party. (I stress out that there won't be enough and that my decorations will look lame.)

A friend of mine once announced, in November, "Christmas is coming and I can't wait!" I think she has what these other people have: The Christmas Chip. 

Now, don't get me wrong, I like Christmas just fine. In fact, I love a lot of stuff about Christmas. But I don't have the chip. My first reaction to "Christmas is coming" is not "I can't wait," but something more like "Didn't we just do Christmas?" 

I've learned that, just like non-frizzy hair, lipstick-free teeth, and my savings account, cultivating the Christmas spirit is a part of life that may come naturally to others but I have to work at. 

Over the years I've identified these as some of the necessary steps to activating my Christmassy side: 

Drink eggnog (the real kind, with the real stuff in it) 

Send cards

Knit gifts

Drink Sugar Cookie Sleigh Ride Celestial Seasoning's Tea

Hear "Baby It's Cold Outside"

Hear Vince Guaraldi

Weep at the end of A Christmas Carol (the one with George C. Scott, which is the best ever)

And, this morning, a new step I've discovered that may help--Christmas Krampus! I think I've briefly heard a little about Krampus but I didn't really know much until I stumbled across an article this morning. Krampus is pretty much St. Nick's evil sidekick: A EUROPEAN HORNED GOAT-LOOKING FANGY DEMON THAT KIDNAPS BAD KIDS AND SPANKS THEM WITH SWITCHES! Now that says "holiday spirit" to me! 

If you're a weirdo like me who has just discovered that terror is a necessary step in getting Christmassy, you might like this very cool vintage Krampus card collection: 

I can't decide which is my favorite Krampus. Maybe the one at the end in the tux and monocle. I mean, just because you're terrorizing 5 year olds into peeing their pants doesn't mean you can't do it with some class.

Better, bonus

I had a really rough day today. And it's hard to write a non-grumbly blog post when you've had one of those.

So I thought I'd share a picture of two things that have made today better:

1) This enormous sunny orange bloom of the near-dead Hibiscus I bought from the Lowe's clearance rack a couple years ago. It's probably my most successful plant rehabilitation ever and it's still blooming. In December!

If surprise huge orange blooms on tropical plants out of season don't make you at least a little bit happy, then you are Rosemary's Baby. That is a fact.

2) Knob Creek bourbon. My doctor told me that the best remedy for post-Thanksgiving/ pre-Christmas family craziness decompression is bourbon. True story. So it's like a prescription and a vacation souvenir all in one!

Drinks are cheaper in my home state of SC than they are here in AL. And when I say "cheaper" I mean "it costs what it should cost," rather than "what it should cost x 2 + 9-12% sales tax." Hooray for non-state owned liquor stores! And boo for the AL law that one can't transport booze across state lines. It stresses me out a little, cause I really don't ever wanna to have to say, "No, really, Mr. Officer, I totally bought this bottle in AL. Why would anyone want to have options and pay $35 when they can have a very limited selection and spend $72?!" (Maybe I should rehearse that line a little...)

While I'm doing that, check out the #3 Better Day Maker: one additional cheery orange thing...

Who doesn't love a bonus round?