Getchur bourb on: Maker's

Please recall that my previous post was about the Louisville Slugger Museum, then prepare yourself for the most perfect photographic blog entry segue in the entire history of photographic blog entry segues:

Not blood! (Although it looks like blood. In fact, it looks exactly like the poster for the Sci-Fi horror movie "Blood Diamond" in which an out of control, cursed baseball becomes sentient and wages war against a loveable, but soon-to-be-dead small town baseball team.*) 

That right there is America's favorite past time dipped in the famous fire engine red wax that looks so pretty until you can't open it when you're trying to get into your bottle of Maker's Mark and then it just aggravates the hell outta you.

That's right! Maker's Mark! One of the bourbon distilleries we toured on the bourbon trail. When you're driving to Maker's Mark, you have no idea whether or not you're in the right place. There's no huge bottle of bourbon to guide the way, like there's a huge baseball bat in front of The Louisville Slugger Museum. The narrow rural roads look like they're going to shoot you right out at Bubba's Front Doorstep. And, despite the niceness of Kentuckians, Bubba probably doesn't take kindly to surprise front doorstep visitors in search of booze.

You don't think this road could get any prettier, do you?
But what if I told you it ends in free bourbon samples!?

Don't you wish this was your back yard? (The answer is "yes.") 

But instead of Bubba, we came upon this See Rock City barn (which always takes me fondly back to Chattanooga) and an adorable little Maker's Mark bench running along the Whisky Creek.

A lot about Maker's Mark looked like home to me--for instance, the way the buildings looked like my actual dream house. 

With bourbon bottle window shutters!

And, of course, the way there were barrels of bourbon everywhere.

Christmas comes early! And on a wagon!

When can I move in? Right now yesterday! 

Our tour guide, Susan, did a good job of pretending like she hadn't already recited all the exact same words to a bunch of people fifty times before. In fact, she was a little too into it in a way that made us kind of uncomfortable and suspicious that employees of Maker's get to enjoy unlimited free refills on site.

The distillery itself is pretty small compared to some others, and considering what a big brand Makers is. The tour group, which was so large it was difficult to avoid multiple pictures of strangers, like the guy in his huge floppy hat and fancy hot peppers shirt, all crowded into this surprisingly small distillery area. Fortunately there were bourbon-goings-on to help distract me from the claustrophobia of being in a two bedroom apartment-sized area with 50 tourists. 

Here's where the Maker's first starts happening: 

So shiny! 

We learned that the gas those copper stills generates is self-propelling. The energy it gives off gets fed right back into the process. So, if you're worried about the environmental effects of how much Makers you spike your eggnog with, I say pour away!

Here's what's going on in the copper stills:

There are are approximately 1,893 steps to making bourbon. One of those steps is distillation, which results in an alcoholic mixture called "high wine." It's a lot like wine, except it's clear and smells like rubbing alcohol has about the same proof number as required steps. And it turns into bourbon. Anyway, that's high wine flowing above. 

Of all the bourbon-making steps, I'd have to say the fermentation process is my personal favorite. Imagine being in a room filled with enormous vats of bubbling soon-to-be-bourbon that smells like a drunk making sourdough bread. 

Actually, fermentation smells really, really good. Earthy, yeasty, and rye-y.  And those bubbles sure are pretty. 

The "S IV" means 4th generation Samuels, the family that's the Maker's makers. 

Then, after all the mixing and distilling and fermenting, the whisky goes into the famously charred barrels for about a six year nap. 

Did you know barrels could be so gorgeous? 

We're totally going to name our firstborn "Barrel." 

Meanwhile, for the six or so years that the bourbon is maturing, you're periodically receiving little business cards in the mail with "[your name here] Makers Mark Ambassador" printed on them, and free red drink stirrers and Maker's Mark Christmas paper and Maker's Mark gift tags because your husband has signed up to be a Maker's Mark Ambassador. (Which means your name gets engraved on a barrel and you get the special offer of buying the entire barrel once your barrel's matured.) 

When Susan the tour guide exuberantly asked ambassadors in the crowd, "What do you like best about being an ambassador!?," we laid low. I know she would be disappointed in us... 

When the bourbon awakes from its sweet slumber, here's where the Maker's gets bottled: 

"Schlameel, Schlamazel Hassenpepper Incorporated!...
We're gonna make our bourb come true!" 

Actually, that's kind of a terrifying-looking image to end with.

Double-bourbed! 

NOW THAT'S MORE LIKE IT. 

*I don't know if this movie actually exists, but mark my words that at some point in time it will.