New food pt. 2

Ok so this type of food is not new to me. And if it were, I wouldn't admit it because what kind of wackadoo has never had lettuce? But self-made carrots and lettuce is new to me.

Remember early October? That's when I planted these. Mostly on a wing and a prayer. (I just can't use/hear that phrase without thinking "Whoooo could it be? Believe it or not it's just meee...")

I worried over them. Were my lettuces too close together? Did I do a sufficient tilling job to avoid corkscrewed carrots?

Apparently all they needed was about 5 months of neglect and coldness. That might qualify these for the most emo veggies I've ever grown.

Actually, this haphazard arrangement kind of looks like the "$100-but-specially-made-to-look-like-I-cut-it-myself" emo hairstyle of lettuce. I call it "The Jared Leto-ce" (Anybody? Jared Leto? Lettuce? ...Maybe it would help to imagine the pot's wearing eyeliner.)

Rest assured, though; Jared Leto-ce has plenty of friends...

One of which is the cutest, tiniest, adorable-ist, "awww"-inducing carrot of all time. Are you ready?

In addition to the "first" of growing these, this is certainly the first time I've referred to a carrot as "cute." I mean, it's just so darn cute--it's toy sized! If the five year old me encountered such a cute carrot, my Jem doll would be in for a real treat!

A rare occasion on which I am not furious with squirrels

Right now I'm on a quick break from doing this: 

Lemme tell ya, it's a blast. In fact, I'm sure you're feeling a little bad about hanging out in your nice comfortable house denying yourself the pleasure of digging rows. So, you know, if you felt like you needed to come over and get in on the party, I'd let you join. Cause we're friends and I'm generous like that. 

Anyway, normally squirrels and I don't get along. When they root up my garden or steal birdseed (which is ALL THEY DO IN LIFE), I curse the day their deceptively cute rodent mother birthed them into this world. 

But a moment ago I found this, and I have to admit I kind of liked them a little bit for it. I can feel that like quickly fading... but it was there for a moment. And it was bizarre. Almost as bizarre as the fact that people are now willingly paying money to see Charlie Sheen rant at them live. 

Pee-can. 

New food pt. 1

I've always been an egg lover, and lately since I'm trying to get enough protein to successfully create another person, I've been eating eggs pretty much every day.

So when Rena, my egg lady, sent me an email that contained the phrase "I have a few turkey eggs" I was all like "I WILL BE THERE!"

While turkey eggs are not as large as the dinosaur eggs the Chopped contestants find in their baskets, they're still a fun adventure and plenty large. Here's what they look like:

The egg on the bottom is a regular chicken egg for scale. It's blue, even though you can't tell in this picture.


Turkey eggs, or at least the eggs from whatever particular type of turkey this is, are beautifully freckled, and with a really tough shell. To describe the yolk*, you might use words like bulbous, girthy, globular, or pudding-y. Really. Scrambling these was like scrambling pudding.

They did not taste like pudding, though. Turkey eggs that taste like pudding would blow my mind. They were a bit richer, almost fattier tasting than chicken eggs, and totally delicious with a little salt, pepper, butter and dill.

Added bonus to my egg adventure: Doug got to come closer than ever to smelling an actual turkey. He was utterly olfactorily enthralled.

*I took a pick of the cracked eggs, but then thought that might gross people out. I don't know why an egg yolk would gross anyone out, but some folks are precious and delicate and weird about food like that. (I'll never forget the time a person who eats cow body parts tried to convince me that tomato seeds are "gross.") 

Very important quiz, people! Answer correctly and you may win a mimosa! (And by that I mean you may win the opportunity to buy yourself a mimosa.)

It’s just 3 questions, but you will learn a lot about yourself from it. A lot. 

1) True or false?

Lemon pizza sounds delicious.

2) True or false?

Pickle pizza sounds delicious.

3) True or false?

The trailer for the Disney movie African Cats makes you weep like a sniveling idiot.

So, how’d you do?

If you answered “False” to most of these—

 Congratulations! Your normal-ish! Buy yourself a mimosa! Multiple mimosas!

 

If you answered “So Effin’ True” to most of these—

 Congratulations! You’re pregnant! LIKE ME!

*Bonus points: you’re extra pregnant like me if you live in a town in the deep south that only recently—finally—in 2011— voted to allow Sunday alcohol sales. That’s right. Just in time for you to never again know the joys of a Sunday brunch mimosa. (Congratulations! Eat five motherf*%&*n’ Cadbury eggs instead!)

My fetus totally looks like this astronaut

See? Toldja.

PS: Do you think whoever it is in there would enjoy this toy? 

Spring and all

Here's what I think about spring: when I lived in MA for a few years, that's when I realized that I had never really and truly appreciated spring. See, in MA you start seeing daffodils in the grocery store right around St. Patty's Day (even though there may be a blizzard on St. Patty's Day) and that means winter is almost over and soon it'll be snow-free and things are going to be slushy and muddy but generally gorgeous and awesome!

Having grown up in and now returned to the Southeast, I realize that daffodils say something entirely different to me than they did in MA. Here, they say something like: Hey guess what? It's kinda nice weather now even though your car's yellow from pollen, but soon we'll once again journey through 5 relentless months of the most unbearable, humid, make-you-want-to-rip-your-skin-off-because-it's-so-damn-hot summer known to man! 

So, yeah, basically I now think of spring as the singing telegram dressed in bright happy colors who rings your doorbell only to serenade you with a dirge of the death-that-is-Summer.

 But, still, there're a few nice things about spring, I guess--

Baseball spring training & forthcoming actual baseball.

Vegetable garden planning.

Pine Warblers at the feeder. 

(All my photography attempts at these guys thusfar have failed.) 

Plus, a whole house that smells like this: 

Thank you to whoever lived here before and planted hyacinth!

By the way, if you are one of those Spring Lovers, The Art of Doing Stuff has some great porn for you.

A few bones

I've been super busy lately doing things like grading shoeless students' quizzes and essays. Guess what? I'm still pretty busy doing that. But in the rare event that my 5 or so readers have missed me, I thought I'd toss some bones your way...

1/ Here is an online comic I love. It's a weird combination of adorable and sad. I think you'll like it too.

2/ I made a crab quiche the other day. I was pretty excited about it, because doesn't that sound so delicious?! ...But it wasn't. I mean, it was decent and we ate it all, but it was not, in fact--as I am embarrassed and amused at actually having said out loud--"da bomb."  So I'm recommitted to my normal ole' veggie quiche. (Don't let the mayo scare you.)

3/ Speaking of food, somehow I found myself accidentally watching Cupcake Wars. Know what's really good to look at for an hour before you go to sleep? CUPCAKES. Also, I just wanna say that if I were a judge on this show these size 0 cupcake bitches would be the first to go. I mean, really. The phrase "90 lb pastry chef" should. not. even. exist. 

4/ My cat does this to my husband every time he gets up from the couch. There's some controversy in my house over whether it's annoying or one of the cutest, most endearing things ever. (Hint: the correct answer is B.)

5/ I'm getting better at crocheting granny squares! I love the way they look like little square yarn pancake short stacks.